Wanting to be loved, looked at with high regard. This is not meant to be a malicious act but what happens when we take it too far? When it becomes impulsive? When the feeling of approval drives every decision in our lives?
We begin wanting to be everything to everyone for the wrong reasons, longing for the approval of other people. Conforming to the popular opinion, we try to fit in with everyone. We try to look, sound, and act like are surrounding peers when we are confronted by unconscious social norms; giving way and matching beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors to fit in only for an instant so we can please those we are surrounded by. Nobody wants to be the outlier, right?
I know I didn’t. I still feel myself falling victim to the world, going along with the everyday flow of my life while I have an internal argument with myself. In the past I used to have this prisoner feeling a lot, especially throughout my childhood. But I have learned a ton since, pushing the social norms away. I’m the guy that thinks wearing socks with Sperry’s is trendy, cuts sweatpants into shorts (and will on occasion wear them to church), will openly admit to watching chick flicks on a Saturday night alone at the house (without Molly here haha), and being a strong male athlete that likes to read poetry, journal, and only had one life-long goal of someday being a great dad (yet to be determined).
What I have done is challenge myself to become concrete in who I am as a person, defining my true identity, discovering my purpose, and knowing that if I want to be the man people need me to be then I better be authentic and not worry about pleasing everybody throughout the process.
When we are too concerned with what other people think of us, trying to please everyone, we end up losing ourselves, our true identity. It’s time to break free.
1) Finding Peace and Confidence in Your Values and Beliefs
“Your life is your statement to the world representing your values, your beliefs, your dreams.” – David Arenson
Spending time to clearly identify what you view as valuable in your life is crucial and often overlooked. Values and beliefs should have the ability to be listed off in an instant when asked, almost acting as a personal mission statement. What are your values? Love, family, servant leadership, authenticity, strength?
Don’t stop there! Now specifically define them. What does each value mean to you? Why did you choose them? Separate people can have the same exact values, when in all reality they can mean something completely different. Once you clearly define your values you become confident in your decision making. Your values begin to take more meaning in your life as you can then use them as a filter to pass each decision through. When faced with a moment of uncertainty and feeling yourself about to give in to the social norms, take a second to remember your values to make a authentic decision, one that holds true to who you are.
Strength is a value of mine, defined with the following meaning: The ability to withstand life’s inevitable adversity, and learn from it’s lessons to grow stronger physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Knowing this value and having it defined helped me get through my heart surgery.
2) Understanding You are Unique on Purpose
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
The only commonality in life is that we are all completely unique. Literally everyone is different and that in itself is a miracle. There is not one single person in the world that has the same physical attributes, thoughts, or feelings as anyone else. We even have totally different backgrounds, were raised differently, and have experienced different circumstances throughout our lives.
Why not use your own uniqueness to your advantage, to stand out among the masses, to help others in need that could benefit from your specific skills, knowledge, and experience? This is exactly what I am doing right now, what Heartbeat Strength represents. We are unique on purpose, to play a crucial role in the worlds history, however big or small. Your talents, gifts, and ideas are needed in this world so much that you cannot afford to mimic social norms.
3) Breaking Free from Stereotypes
“If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.” – Henry David Thoreau
It is easy to find yourself being pushed into one realm of the world, being labeled, and having our uniqueness ignored in an instant. Our social world is simplified by this idea of categorization leading to prejudice and bias. We even start to believe these stereotypes ourselves, thinking if others continue to have the same generalizations then they must be true.
We are allowed to be more than one thing, breaking free from boxes that society has put us in. Even more, breaking free from the boxes we put ourselves in. Display courage and let your unique talents and gifts guide your life. Define your own identity, taking ownership of the life that only you have the power to create. Remember, nobody was made to fit in.
“We are the makers of our own destinies, our own futures, our own paths. To blindly follow is an insult to the miracle of being human. To be human is to make choices; the moment you allow others to make decisions for you is the moment you do an injustice to not only mankind but to yourself.” – Kelseyleigh Reber