Molly and I created, in my estimation, a pretty epic blanket fort one night when we were dating in college. It was like stepping into a time machine. We were traveling back to our childhoods while we were in the midst of becoming grown ups. And I say grown ups lightly, the jury is still out on that one.
We marked our territory in the living room. Sliding over a busted up futon, a couch, and a couple chairs we pulled from the kitchen table. We filled in the gaps and built the remaining walls with pillows and couch cushions. We laid a couple blankets over the top acting as the roof. Nothing was staying put so we did the most logical thing to do, find the duct tape and make it work.
Once it was all finished, laughing like little kids, we stood back with arms crossed insanely proud of our creation. We checked it over to make sure we weren’t missing anything and dove in. It was a perfect experience with a far from perfect blanket fort.
That night we stayed up until the early morning hours sharing our life stories, emptying our baggage, and hoping the other wasn’t going to run out with the intention of never looking back. To our surprise the exact opposite happened. We became more compassionate, empathetic, and understanding.
We created the blueprint for our lasting relationship because of our willingness to be 100% vulnerable with each other.
It took courage, bravery, and on the other side a willingness to continue to be curious about the other person’s life – perfections and imperfections, wins and loses, smiles and dramatic frowns, triumphs and fall on your face failures.
WHY VULNERABILITY IS SO HARD
When I was growing up I would build blanket forts with the exact opposite mindset. I used to create them to keep everybody out. It was a private territory I had built in my room, where only I could venture, and keep everything hidden inside.
I was scared of what others would think if they only knew how imperfect I was, so I built emotional walls in my own mind, keeping my feelings bottled up.
I spent my life striving for the score that I created in my mind of perfection, thinking that it was going to protect me, help me avoid shame, pain, and judgement. But really, where I was trying to be perfect was where more shame grew. Perfectionism was preventing me from being truly known.
WHY VULNERABILITY IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH
The value of vulnerability was missing from my life, and was the cure to all my fear, shame, and anxiety. Opening up and letting others know that I was imperfect was oddly the antidote to me feeling like I was enough.
The most courageous act that you can take is to be completely honest. To be brave and show people your heart. To be insanely vulnerable when the opportunity presents itself. By doing this we break down the walls that have been surrounding our emotions, the ones we’ve held hostage our entire lives.
VULNERABILITY WILL SET YOUR FREE
What I’ve learned is that sometimes those who have the paralyzing fear of not being enough are ones who trap their feelings behind walls they’ve built themselves. No matter if those walls have been built from pillows or couch cushions.
I started letting people into my blanket fort. It seemed to act as safe place for others to share their most vulnerable thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This is what Molly and I created back in college, a safe place to be truly known by one another.
“Most people say vulnerability is weakness. But really vulnerability is courage. We must ask ourselves… Are we willing to show up and be seen?” – Brene Brown